This blog post is something that I wrote just recently that was really heartfelt and something I would like to share with everyone. It was something that I wrote after having felt a lot of emotion. While now I feel rather silly it doesn't diminish the impact that this may have on you.

Most of you already know that for me this is a rare thing, since most of you have known me I have been generally happy and carefree. What caused it was that I watched a film called Home Room a tale which details the aftermath of a high school shooting and a girl stuck in the middle who is the antithesis of happy and carefree. I'm not saying that I have gone soft for some film, no matter how heart touching. I mean there is a part of me that takes this so personally because he has been in the dark before and has had the rug ripped out from underneath him. I know this isn't an absolute tale of truth, no film ever really is and we must face that but it doesn't take the emotion and sentimental value away. I felt everything they wanted me to feel from sadness, to happiness and every other emotion in between. I took the main characters personality to heart as she was quite like me wanting to hide from the emotion and the sadness and ball it up somewhere no one can see it. The thing is though that no human being can survive this way, there is no way to get rid of emotion baring forms of chemical castration and brains surgery.

I cried, maybe not as much as anyone else and maybe only in spurts of raw emotion but I did. It could be the lack of medication which I take everyday to suppress these feelings or perhaps more likely that I needed to let the emotion out because I would never let myself feel it otherwise. The thing is that I didn't cry for myself and I didn't cry solely because that is what I needed but I cried for all the people that have felt that heartache and sadness. I cried for every person that prematurely lost their life because of a person who just like me wouldn't just let it out sometimes and instead took it out on the people that never deserved it. I cried for all the babies that lost their lives for no reason and the people that were lost to genocide. I feel these things each and everyday in the back of my mind thinking about the heartache of the world and the pain that everyone goes through wishing I could stop it or at least make the people that hurt the most feel better.

I write this not because I am some sort of sap that you can make fun of for having the same feelings that you do but instead you choose to push them in to the back of your mind. We try to mask our feelings by convincing ourselves that it has nothing to do with us but the fact is that it does effect us and we do feel for these people that we don't even know. This is not to say that I sympathize with each and every one of the people that hurt and have been hurt but to say that I understand these feelings and am only looking to understand and forgive. To much do we forget that more often than not that everyone is a victim, if they are holding the gun or not. I don't think it is much to ask to question if you will think about these things and take what I have said to heart if only to make your life better. I believe that we are all to blame when it comes to misunderstanding each other and we must help to lift each other up rather than tear each other down.

If you want to watch the film go to Hulu and watch it for free. I am not saying that it is the most compelling piece of artwork for the suffering that happens in a school shoot out but an example of the thing we must overcome and forever sympathize. To many times has a student gone hurt and betrayed every day just because other students cant bring themselves to just think about the impact they have and that no matter who we are we are all the same. I say these things because I believe in them, I philosophize so that I may make an impact on the world or just the people that I have the pleasure of knowing. I just wanted to share my feelings because for once in a long time of shunning them I have finally come to let them out and interpret them into something coherent and profound. I hope that you read this regardless of who you are and what you believe in. I want you to feel as I have and come to realize that life is about sharing yourself with others and living the best that you possibly can. Don't take your time to criticize or shun me but instead to think, feel, and understand. I love you all and I want you to love each other.